The Unthinkable
You read, from time to time, of a father or a mother under great stress caused by personal illness or tribulation, murdering their child. Or their children. Or the father murdering his wife, and just incidentally his children as well. Or the mother, unable to cope with her nightmare life any longer, feeling that she will kill herself and her children as well, incapable of imagining them being able to live without her ministering presence.
It's beyond normal imagination to think of what might motivate these lost souls. To destroy a human life, moreover a human life that they have themselves brought into existence. Lovingly nurtured, carefully raised, proudly countenanced. Then something we cannot even imagine stretches them beyond endurance and they murder their own. We shudder inwardly and do our best to lose the memory, however brief.
And then there are other types of betrayals. Equally difficult to counter, much less believe it's possible. That a mother, or a father, or both, fail their children in other ways. They don't murder them, they kill the child's belief in the protection and love of their parents. Some parents manage this by not managing to love their children more than themselves. Some do it by over-control, by exerting psychic damage, by physical abuse.
And some, in more subtle, but almost equally-damaging ways. Like total disinterest in the welfare and happiness of their children. Ignoring their needs for emotional support, for the basic needs of a growing child. By withholding approval when approval is required, by delivering censure when none is ever needed. By failing to provide a clean and safe environment. By not ensuring the child has enough food to eat.
Not encouraging a child to be a social and friendly individual. Not inviting a child to become a responsive and responsible member of society. These are mere social failures, but important nonetheless. Not taking care that a child's medical health is well attended to. Having no care to a child's emerging personality and needs. Let alone encouraging that child to attain a sound education.
This week I was introduced to another element of abuse I am scarcely able to visualize. That a young couple, a man and his wife, have abdicated all responsibility for their five children. Five children, ranging in age from a vulnerable 4 all the way to a puzzled 11. Living in assisted housing, more concerned with having enough money to purchase cigarettes than food. And finding themselves incapable of "looking after" their children.
Finally giving them up to the Children's Aid Society. The grandparents, attempting to forestall the inevitable, tried for four months to look after their five grandchildren on their own. And found themselves incapable of doing so. They have, despite this, forgiven their son and their daughter-in-law. They are kindly toward them and disposed to support them.
How is this nightmare, this misadventure in parenthood and grandparent hood even possible in a society like ours?
It's beyond normal imagination to think of what might motivate these lost souls. To destroy a human life, moreover a human life that they have themselves brought into existence. Lovingly nurtured, carefully raised, proudly countenanced. Then something we cannot even imagine stretches them beyond endurance and they murder their own. We shudder inwardly and do our best to lose the memory, however brief.
And then there are other types of betrayals. Equally difficult to counter, much less believe it's possible. That a mother, or a father, or both, fail their children in other ways. They don't murder them, they kill the child's belief in the protection and love of their parents. Some parents manage this by not managing to love their children more than themselves. Some do it by over-control, by exerting psychic damage, by physical abuse.
And some, in more subtle, but almost equally-damaging ways. Like total disinterest in the welfare and happiness of their children. Ignoring their needs for emotional support, for the basic needs of a growing child. By withholding approval when approval is required, by delivering censure when none is ever needed. By failing to provide a clean and safe environment. By not ensuring the child has enough food to eat.
Not encouraging a child to be a social and friendly individual. Not inviting a child to become a responsive and responsible member of society. These are mere social failures, but important nonetheless. Not taking care that a child's medical health is well attended to. Having no care to a child's emerging personality and needs. Let alone encouraging that child to attain a sound education.
This week I was introduced to another element of abuse I am scarcely able to visualize. That a young couple, a man and his wife, have abdicated all responsibility for their five children. Five children, ranging in age from a vulnerable 4 all the way to a puzzled 11. Living in assisted housing, more concerned with having enough money to purchase cigarettes than food. And finding themselves incapable of "looking after" their children.
Finally giving them up to the Children's Aid Society. The grandparents, attempting to forestall the inevitable, tried for four months to look after their five grandchildren on their own. And found themselves incapable of doing so. They have, despite this, forgiven their son and their daughter-in-law. They are kindly toward them and disposed to support them.
How is this nightmare, this misadventure in parenthood and grandparent hood even possible in a society like ours?
Labels: Peculiarities, Realities, Social-Cultural Deviations
posted by Pieface @ 7:14 PM
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