Who'se a Stupid Bovine?

You just don't mess with the determined persistence of a teen-age girl. There's something about horses and teen-age girls. Who develop a passion for those noble beasts, and believe that if they can ride them and jump with them and become the "best in their class", they will have achieved perfection in their lives.

There is, decidedly, a sexual connotation here, according to many psychologists; a subliminal need that surfaces with raging hormones. But there is a German girl in Bavaria whose aspirations were spurned and who delivered her own ultimatum to herself: make do with what you can. And she most certainly has done that.

Horses, she must have reasoned, are not the only large, domesticated animals that can jump. And truth is, all juvenile mammals, carefree in their youth, are capable of light-hearted playfulness, inclusive of gambolling and leaping, and all manner of unsuspected acrobatic talents. But a cow? Seems so.

And there's the proof. A heifer, to be exact. Not yet mature. Regina Mayer (queen of all she surveys on her family's farm), responded to her parents' refusal to allow her to have a horse, by deciding she would train a calf. The first one, evidently, balked at this splendid opportunity to become a horse. The second calf proved more amenable to Regina's patient training. Luna is her name and she responds to Regina's commands.

"Go", "Stay", and "Gallop" are the verbal communications that Luna recognizes and acts upon with alacrity. Two years ago Regina began her training of Luna by accustoming her to a halter, and walking with her in the woods. At six months of age, Luna was saddled. "She was really well behaved and walked normally. But after a few steps she wanted me off her back." Regina was patient.

She conducted a consultative process with a specialist cow academy located in Switzerland whose philosopher-owner claiming that cows can do anything horses can, encouraged her to begin a reward protocol with Luna; whisper to Luna, then offer her tasty treats. That program was so successful that Luna now is able to jump over metre-high obstacles. With Regina on her back.

For the time being, Regina observes, Luna appears to connect with horses. "She keeps chasing after real horses and tries to make contact with them. But they want nothing to do with her." Poor Luna, life can be so unfair - while she is breaking entirely new ground for her species.

As Luna matures, however, that may be a completely udder story.