Socializing by Screen

"In the big picture, we're all spending too much time in front of screens. I see it in my workplace. I see kids who don't know how to pick up a phone and call someone for a job interview. I see kids who struggle with just having a conversation, with looking you in the eye. A lot of them are struggling with social skills that they would have figured out if they didn't have a screen getting in the way."

"Parents tell us, 'My kid is addicted to Fortnite. He's normally a sweet kid, but, after four hours of Fortnite, he's irritable. He can't focus. He's not calm. He's like a drug addict because when I try to get him off Fortnite, he has a tantrum."

"First and foremost, you have to connect with your kid. We call it 'connection before direction'. If you have a stressful relationship, you're going to cause even more stress by just telling them to get off their device. You have to be willing to show empathy and validation, to know how to listen rather than just give advice all the time."

Dr.Michael Cheng, child and family psychiatrist, Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario

 

"Screen time is a constant battle. At that age, it's kind of their job to fight with us and develop their own independence. They're definitely happy to try to sneak some screen time whenever they can and to push every boundary that we set."

"As frustrating as that is, I recognize that it one day might make them really excellent lawyers. There's a lot of negotiations, so we think, 'OK, there's life skills we're building here', even if it makes me want to tear out my hair."

Dennis Murphy, father of nine- and six-year-old children

HarvardPilgrim.org

 

The 'no screens before noon' rule in the Murphy/Burns household is a difficult one to monitor much less adhere to, when put up against the determination of two young children accustomed to and comfortable with technology their parents were just being introduced to when they were no longer young, but which has at this juncture been advanced and streamlined for the use of children who've been familiar with screens all their lives for entertainment and education and communication.

That Dennis Murphy and Erin Burns are home-schooling their children, Lilith 9, and Garnet 6, during the pandemic hasn't made it any easier to discipline bright young minds to the necessity of limiting screen time. Dr.Cheng from his perspective as a psychiatrist is concerned not only with the physical effects of immobility and fixation, but the isolation aspect and the move away from real-time, real-life socialization with limited interaction between physical contact and the life-lessons derived therefrom, as opposed to an internal life harnessed to technology.

Smartphones and tablets have taken over children's lives, and are doing actual harm to their mental equilibrium. The iPhone phenomenon has celebrated its 13th anniversary and the iPad has been around almost as long; screens are ubiquitous and upfront in children's daily lives. An American study undertaken in 2019 confirmed over half of young children had their own smartphones by age 11, with 'tweens' --  age eight to twelve -- spending on average four hours and 44 minutes daily online, exclusive of school time.

Ages 12- to 18-year-olds have seen their recreational screen time leap into seven hours, 22 minutes' daily use. Since the emergence of the pandemic, screen time for young people has soared. Guidelines from the Canadian Paediatric Society pre-pandemic, recommended kindergarten children spend an hour daily, tops, in front of a screen -- with no screen time whatever the preferred option. Ontario's curriculum for online leaning requires kindergarten kids to be online for 180 minutes daily which Dr.Cheng considers "unprecedented" in time volume.

 

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Twins Maksim and Jan (5) practice yoga for children in their home following along with TV-classroom programme broadcast on national television.

 

According to Dr.Cheng, excessive screen time detracts children from basic needs required for mental wellness which includes face-to-face interactions, adequate sleep, physical movement, and quality time spent immersed in natural surroundings, along with a sense of belonging, purpose and hope. Yet fast-paced video games like Fortnite or Call of Duty, quick and addictive sources of dopamine satisfies the rush brains crave which can lead to hyper-arousal, interfering with a normal lifestyle; taking the place of a normal lifestyle.

Dr.Cheng dreams of possible solutions to this modern-day, COVID-complicated dilemma, imagining the utility of going cold-turkey, for a complete detoxification. Reasonably, the good doctor recommends "gentle nudges" to pry and persuade children from their smartphones by setting screen curfews and enforcing bedtime rules. Limiting who and what a child sees online is a parental responsibility. He eschews social media like Facebook and Instagram for children, pursuing "likes". At the same time he recognizes screens represent a mode of connecting with others at a time of isolation.

"Obviously you don't want your kids spending all their time looking at a screen, but the world they're growing up in is a virtual one. It's going to be a fight they'll have their entire lives, that battle of algorithms that's trying to make them keep clicking versus trying to maintain their own well-being."

"My eyeballs are getting cooked by the screen as much as anybody else's. It's a new way of life to learn how to navigate and there's not a lot of guidance for parents. It's one giant social experiment with everybody anyway."

Dennis Murphy

UNICEF/UNI316266/Bajornas

Margot, 4, practices the alphabet on a tablet at home rather than being at daycare with her friends, with the city largely shut down as a prevention measure against the further spread of coronavirus