Oops, Sorry About That

Sometimes circumstances and happenstance take decisions and intelligence out of the purview of those who should know better. When things go so awry that those affected are so perplexed and flummoxed that they resort to the bizarre in explanation of how such things happen, and no big deal, let's just get on with things....

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"We are mortified by the Super Bowl interruption, and we apologize to our customers", cable television provider Comcast admitted humbly. "We can't undo what happened, but we remain deeply sorry for the impact this situation has had on our customers." Depends which of their customers, needless to say. And seeing this was likely a mature audience of largely immature males, certainly no harm done.

Comcast went even further, genuflecting to genteel society's averse reaction to forced viewing of a graphic pornographic movie featuring a woman unzipping her gentleman caller's trousers to perform an unblushing sex feature, by issuing a $10 credit to its Tucson viewers. No charge, folks, for the special televised events eclipsing the Super Bowl.

The Arizona Daily Star claimed to have been flooded with calls from outraged viewers. Bad timing, that 30-second airing, a mere three minutes before the conclusion of the Arizona Cardinals and Pittsburgh Steelers game.

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And then there's the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation in Canada which has had to examine its rules and regulations for transparency and fairness. Seems an auditor's report has laid bare the ugly truth that far greater numbers of "insiders" have lucked in to winnings than previously suspected. Initially alerted by a disgruntled gamer's insistence that he had been cheated, an investigation revealed malfeasance.

It's clear now that lottery and retail employees authorized to sell lottery tickets have done very well for themselves in their unsanctioned and rather illegal enterprise of diverting wins to themselves. Or to family members. Insiders, it would appear, claimed about 50,000 lottery tickets between 1995 and 2008, totalling over $198 million in fraudulent but extremely lucrative winnings.

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Just a little bit of fooling around, to weigh the odds in personal gambling favour, and to irk the sensibilities of the meek and sexually unadventurous among us.

How about an incident completely different, one that comes a trifle too close to potential personal extinction? Like the passengers on an Aeroflot flight happening to notice that their pilot, Captain Alexander Cheplevsky, post-birthday celebration was still rather intoxicated as their flight was about to take off?

Not to worry, they were soothed by the people at Aeroflot, he's fine, you'll be in good hands. He's in control of the situation, trust us. After all, there's nothing to the finer points of modern flight, just pushing a few buttons.

"The worst that could happen is he'll trip over something in the cockpit", they assured the troubled passengers. Yup, knock himself out tripping the light fantastic, and all they have to do is rush into the cockpit and push one of those buttons. Self-reliance the order of the day.

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Ah, those misspoken words that trip so effortlessly from the lips of the casual, unheeding aristocracy.

First there was Prince Harry with his Nazi uniform and swastika armband, then Prince Harry with videoed racist comments at Sandhurst military academy. Now there's the little matter of Margaret Thatcher's daughter casually describing a player at the Australian Open tennis match as a "golliwog".

British sensibilities are vibrating with irritation, but all will be forgiven; of Harry, at any rate; Carol Thatcher can look out for herself.

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Pope Benedict is aghast at the censure his carefully studied resurrection of three excommunicated priests has brought down upon his head from outraged members of his own Church, from heads of state, including Chancellor Angela Merkel, and from Jewish groups the world over. In one fell swoop managing to undo all the courtesies and successful bridges the Roman Catholic Church has mended between itself and the religion from which his own emanated.

He is not alone; in South Africa, foreign minister Fatima Hajaig, was impolitic enough to speak of "Jewish money" controlling the United States. Ms. Hajaig, addressing a political rally in Johannesburg let loose the indisputable reality so cherished by anti-Semites that Jews "control America, no matter which government comes into power, whether Republican or Democratic, whether Barack Obama, or George Bush."

She will become the darling of fascists, neo-nazis, skinheads the world over, alongside Bishop Richard Williamson, the newly reinstated Bishop causing the Vatican and Pope Benedict so much unneeded angst. He has apologized for any discomfiture he has caused the good Pope, but not yet disavowed his staunch anti-Holocaust reality.

As for Ms. Hajaig, she has spoken of her unfortunate lapse by apologizing to the Jewish community, and managing, cleverly not to disavow her contentious views.
"To the extent that my statement may have caused hurt and pain, I offer an unequivocal apology for the pain it may have caused to the people of our country, and the Jewish community in particular", Fatima Hajaig stated.

Nowhere in her statement was anything like: 'I don't know what got into me, I don't personally subscribe to the ages-old slur of Jewish domination; the devil made me do it.'

And so, we leave the world to get on with its absurd peccadilloes.