When Are Children Adults?

Childhood seems to be more extended as the generations progress. So that when young people emerging into adulthood at one time were thought to be independently responsible before the age of 20, they no longer appear to be. They're less self-reliant, more dependent than their parents. Young people graduate from high school, then leave home to attend university in search of higher education, to prepare for their working lives.

It can't be anything but exciting for young people to embark on this new experience, away from the stultifying atmosphere of a young person living at home, having to give due regard to parental authority, living in an atmosphere where a certain amount of discipline is anticipated, a modicum of assistance given to parents struggling to maintain a home, while both adults are away at work all day.

Then, suddenly, day-to-day life changes, not subtly, but radically. There is no one to be answerable to but themselves. All of a sudden social freedom is theirs. They can go to bed whenever they feel like it, go out socializing at hours their parents would never agree too. Study if and when they get around to it, and drink more alcohol than might be good for them. Keep their own circle of friends, not vetted by a worried parent.

And then there's the additional stress for students of adjusting to the reality of truly being self-reliant and responsible for their actions. Responsible too for attaining passable grades, for attending lectures, for producing work that draws on what they've imbibed through the academic semesters. Colleges and universities have rules of conduct and civil behaviour, and those too must be adhered to.

Young people, once the first heady atmosphere of freedom has passed, can find themselves adrift from purpose, unhappy with the social environment they find themselves in, unable to adequately keep up with the learning process. They can suffer self-doubt, and begin to spiral into a melancholy they're unable to share with new friends, and unwilling to relate to their parents whose concern might insist they return home and abandon their studies.

Universities and colleges find themselves burdened with a growing percentage of young people suffering emotionally with depression and mental illness. Campus counsellors and medical personnel become involved when students seek help, but not all do. Even those who realize they have a distinct problem and look for help, are pretty well on their own after diagnosis and a prescriptive regimen has been recommended.

And then, on occasion, personal disasters occur. Parents discover, too late, that their child, their adult child attending university has a severe mental problem they have been unaware of. Suicide among young people has increased over the past 50 years to approximately 19 per 100,000. It's been estimated that up to 10% of first-year students at university present with mental health problems that can have them attempting suicide.

School officials and mental-health experts do what they can for these vulnerable students. Informing parents about the state of their child's health is not generally one of them. The idea being that this is a personal matter that the authorities do not feel free to divulge to parents. And most young people don't want to have their parents informed.

It's a dilemma, that stark reality. What recourse do parents have when mourning the death by suicide of their beloved son or daughter, away at university? How aware can parents be at a remove? It isn't easy being a parent at any stage of a child's development. Becoming an independent adult is obviously not easy for many young people striking out for the first time on their own.

It's a bedevilling conundrum.