MiGod, The Child!

That's one sure-fire way of garnering attention; one little innocent child facing the kind of danger that no human power on Earth is capable of preventing. What misery of circumstances could conceivably trap a six-year-old boy into flying high in the sky, other than his own mischievous sense of curiosity. How about a conspiracy? Wink-wink, how about we have some fun, son? And you too, son, we'll all play a fast one on the world. That'll focus attention on all the theories and scientific adventuring and theorizing your daddy has been engaged in.

Each hour on the hour as the news readers solemnly assured listeners that they would keep them up to date on the lamentable fate of a little boy whose curiosity had impelled him to leap aboard a weather balloon his father had fashioned, and to let it loose into the atmosphere, listeners tuned in with rapt attention. A six year-old child, my heavens, what a dreadful thing to happen. How could it happen? Simply put, you cannot take your eyes off the mind-boggling shenanigans of a child for a second, before disaster looms.

The fascinated public, its heartstrings athrob with compassion for the parents, for the plight of the child, were regaled, hour-on-hour with the latest news. And that was a wide public, for the escapade of the escaped balloon and its helpless cargo went world-wide, absorbing the attention of millions of people. Let's face it, you just cannot buy that kind of attention. And who might want to? It would, after all, sacrifice the safety of one's beloved child. But then inventors and pseudo-scientists utterly absorbed in their search for extraterrestrial life may be capable of anything.

The balloon had self-deflated, even while authorities were considering what they might do to intervene and save the life of the child. Shooting it down, deploying a helicopter in the hopes that the terrific downdraft would bring it to ground. Once the balloon had hit terra firma, there was no terrified child cowering and ill from fear aboard; nada. Where was the child? Well, someone was convinced they had seen an object; could have been a small human figure; hurtling out of the balloon before touch-down. So an intensive search was launched on the ground.

And then the suspense finally came to a conclusion; a thudding end. Little Falcon Heene hadn't been risking his life to satiate a child's curiosity, after all. He was safely esconced in a box in the attic of the garage of the family home. Hiding from his angry father, it was bruited about, who had chided him for rooting about in a box of electronics equipment. The euphoria of the relieved parents, to be able to hold their youngest child in their protective arms, to squeeze, hug and cherish him. He was a very good boy. Had performed as coached.

One of his older brothers had testified to repeated questioning by local police that he had seen, with his very own eyes, his baby brother scramble into the box of the helium flying saucer his father had lovingly fashioned with his very own designing hands. And then, poof! gone. In an instant. Waddyathinkofthat? Just as exciting as the family's favourite pasttime of storm-chasing! A truly absorbing hobby, so much so that parents Richard and mother Mayumi and siblings Brad, Ryo and Falcon sleep in street clothes so they can tear off at a moment's notice!

Truly, heroically eccentric. People just are so boring in general society; no one has any imagination or sense of wonder at the Universe, at the ferociously marvellous forces of Nature. But not the Heenes; they revel in pursuing their goals, led by their truly genius father and truly committed mother who does the storm-chasing driving and videoing, and watching her children all at the same time. While Daddy goes off on his bike, into the heart of the storm. And becomes notorious for his fearless exploits. Quite the sensational family pursuits.

Although Oprah likely hasn't had them on her show yet, they have appeared on other types of public-interest, personal-revelations, reality shows. The parents, who adore their adventurous children and encourage them in risk-taking alongside themselves, appearing counter to a family of ultra-child-protective parents. All that publicity, the show-and-boast didn't quite make the cut. So what to do to rivet the attention of the larger community - hell, the world!? Now here's the plan, kids, listen up.

It's possible that Brad and Ryo, older than Falcon, would have been more careful in their revelations, even when prompted by their father. But Falcon, only six years old, and however bright he happens to be, attempted to honestly respond to his father's for-effect questioning. Why did he not reveal himself earlier when he became aware that everyone was frantically hunting for him? Why, Daddy, how could I, you told me to stay put. Right, Daddy?

Never mind, wasn't it all a whole lot of fun? Didn't it wake everyone up? Isn't the public in America just thrilled out of their hard-working, newly-unemployed skulls to know that their tax dollars have been wasted in a fruitless pursuit? Charge it. Oops, I mean charge him.