Friendly Visits -- With Family Pets

"Our hostess went in to the kitchen to get the vanilla cake, but it was gone. There was frosting on Bodhi's mouth."
"The lesson is that as well as  you think you know y our dog, they can always surprise you."
"Our dog [Bodhi] sleeps with us, but a lot of people don't like a dog in a bed. So we bring our dog bed [for overnight visits], but I confess, our dog doesn't always stay in it."
Sean Sheer, Urban Dog blog

"Do not presume that when you and your family are invited for the holiday or the weekend that this extends to your dog."
"Don't just show up after a six-hour car ride and have your dog pop out of the back seat to a look of horror on the host's face."
"I try to avoid situations that are going to be fraught with peril."
Jodi R.R. Smith, president, Mannersmith, etiquette consulting

"A pet as a weekend guest adds a lot of responsibility for a host, even if they are dog people."
"Sometimes that means getting a pet sitter [if it appears likely the invitation doesn't include the family pet]."
"It's nice to also bring a roller brush so you can keep hair off of the furniture."
Lisa Grotts, etiquette expert, San Francisco

"I would not bring my trio overnight unless someone was literally begging me to do it."
"My dogs are used to a lot of attention. It's better to leave them at home with housesitters and to keep their routine as normal as possible."
"Don't set your dogs up for failure [as a result of constant concerns on your part to have them avoid doing unpleasant things while in someone else's house]."
Becky Pugh, owner, grooming and boarding business

Tricky business, that. You receive an invitation that you were hoping would be forthcoming. But there is no mention of an important part of your family. You speculate that the person doing the inviting knows how important your dog is to your life, and just assume the invitation is all-inclusive. And you may be wrong. It's awkward, when you respond that you'd love to come and thank you for inviting us; do you expand hesitantly to enquire whether that means all of 'us'? This is when assuming too much can be fraught with complications.

It's embarrassing, yes, but that unspoken barrier must be broken and the subject broached. 'Is it all right if Brandy comes too?' 'Did you mean to invite Cocoa along with the rest of us?' 'Would it complicate matters if we were to bring Jangles along for that wonderful weekend with you that we're so excited about?' However it's put, it can be awkward, but there are times when these things cannot be avoided, and that time is not when you've arrived and innocently assume what you haven't bothered to be certain of.

It's important to know the rules at other homes. Photo: tshortell

Could be your dog would never stand up to a kitchen counter to see what's on offer. But can you extract a promise from him that he won't indulge in someone else's kitchen? Blogger Sean Sheer discovered to  his huge embarrassment that  his beloved eight-year-old Weimaraner did just that. He had the kitchen to himself while everyone else was having dinner in the dining room. And there was this irresistible aroma wafting down to him from the kitchen counter...

The people who have invited you to visit their home may have dogs of their own, or cats, or both, but don't assume they'll be delighted to have to cope with situations where their own family pets are disquieted at the presence of other animals and your hosts then have to walk on tiptoes of suspense over how their home, suddenly turned into a bit of a zoo with animals snarling at one another, perhaps threatening physical action, and/or indicating displeasure by leaving unanticipated 'gifts' of protest, end up regretting the invitation....

Make sure the and host pets -- are OK with your visit.

Photo: Elenathewise

So balance your pleasurable anticipation of an enjoyable overnight or weekend stay with people you like with the obligation as a guest to ascertain clearly what is expected of you; minus the family pet, or alternately inclusive, but with the expectation that certain rules must be recognized and followed. There will be strain of some kind, but better that than an aura of irritated annoyance plus strain. Take no offence if the invitation is limited; respond intelligently and with courtesy. It is your host who faces a raft of planning complications.

Should you be informed graciously that your hosts fully expect the arrival of  your pet along with the rest of your family, make yourself knowledgeable about their house rules. Whether dogs are permitted on furniture, or not allowed into certain rooms of the house. Above all, whether they are forbidden to expect food from the table when everyone is dining. Consider bringing along with you everything your dog would normally require, from its bed, to food, feeding bowls, toys and waste bags.

Determine whether your hosts would take offence at your pet sharing  your bed. It is their bed, their home, after all. And what if there's an accident? Clean it up and say nothing? Or alert your host and offer to take care of the resulting mess? Could be they use a certain cleaning formula, so make certain that you follow their orders for the cleaning up of messes in their home. And think twice, and then again, if you've been invited to a house with more than its share of fragile ornaments, antiques or family heirlooms which bespeak a special commitment to good behaviour.

Things will go more smoothly if your pet is friendly to everyone.

Photo: tzooka

Be prepared to apologize profusely should your pet have done something to embarrass you and discommode your hosts. And because your host went to the extremes of accommodation in extending their invitation to include  your pet, go beyond a thank-you note, to include with it after your stay a memorable gift of appreciation. That having been said, enjoy yourself and be a good guest, fully appreciative of everything your hosts have done to make your stay with them pleasant.