Sociopathically Animal-Loving

"Once the car is parked, he takes a black cloth bag from the back seat of his car, looks around, puts something in it. Goes to the bushes [edge] separating the parking lot and sidewalk, drops seed in two places. I can see him throwing something on the ground. He's always looking around." Public Safety Department Officer Armand Morin, Westmount, Montreal, Quebec

Officer Morin was assigned, armed with an expandable nightstick and a small camera to trail and document/record suspicious activities on the part of a vicious animal-feeder. Wild animal-feeder; I stand corrected. For Lawrence Klepper, retired and 70 years of age has an interest in animals, describing himself as that most disgusting of types, an "extreme animal lover". He had already been ticketed for violations of Westmount's Bylaw 257 for spreading seeds and nuts for birds and squirrels.

Which hasn't deterred him from continuing his malicious, degraded, socially-averse habit. He was duly warned by Officer Morin that he would shortly be in receipt of two $100 tickets to impress upon him just how wayward and self-destructive this habit has become. Mr. Klepper has been brought to trial on charges related to Bylaw 257, and his lawyer challenged Officer Morin whether he could be certain it was indeed Mr. Klepper who had thrown nuts and seeds.

Photographs had been entered into evidence, showing birdseed and scattered almonds in two parking lots. The lawyer argued: "There are too many people and vehicles that could have contaminated the site". Mind, it is not only Mr. Klepper that Westmount is targeting, but the entire unwholesome and troubling practise of many people who indulge in the nasty practise of feeding wild animals. Westmount wants to get to the bottom of this socially-averse nuisance once and for all.

Westmount's director general has explained that legal action against Mr. Klepper is entirely in the interests of public health. That Mr. Klepper is guilty of distributing "industrial" quantities of peanuts in local parts. That insane practise has attracted rats, which has had the effect of endangering children with allergies. "It's not a simple question of throwing some nuts out to a squirrel. He literally brings in bags of peanuts and distributes them all around areas of the city since at least 2006."

Clearly, the man is a menace to society. Obviously he is also beloved of the squirrel population. And I am ever so glad not to be living in Westmount. My daily practise of perambulating about the forested ravine across from where our house is located, distributing peanuts to all the squirrels, the chipmunks, the chickadees, the crows, has thus far gone unnoticed by other than fellow ravine-striders.

I am fairly certain that none of them is about to turn me in to public health authorities.