Sleeping Solo

"Few things impact the quality of your sleep each night more than your sleep environment."

"That includes who's sleeping beside you and how well you sleep together."

Meir Kryger, professor of medicine, School of Medicine, Yale 

"Considering all the emotional and physical benefits of sleep, the sum of two healthy/rested individuals who make up a loving couple are greater than their individual parts."

"[I'm] a huge proponent of couples sleeping apart." 

"A bed is always for two things only; sleep and sex. When you crawl into bed, one of those two Pavlovian bells should go off."

Eric Marlowe Garrison, chair, American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists

"Sleep deprivation can cause devastating physical and emotional fallout. Electing to sleep apart can often minimize or eliminate sleep problems and save or enhance a relationship."

"The most important sign that sleeping apart may enhance a relationship is that restful and adequate sleep for one or both partners is being compromised because of physical incompatibilities that disrupt sleep."

Joseph Cilona, psychologist, Manhattan 

"Tired, sleep=deprived parents are rarely at their best."

"The choice to sleep apart can be problematic if it is not mutual or agreed upon by both members of the couple."

Aude Henin, co-director, Child Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Program, Department of Psychiatry, Massachusetts General Hospital

Glenn Harvey

 

Overall, the general quality of sleep is just as important as its quantity and likely, somewhat more so. Medical experts recommend 7 hours of nightly sleep but if the sleep is disturbed and an uncomfortable experience, the timing is compromised by the experience. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention research concludes that fewer people sleep well and research has divulged that may be because the person sleeping beside you is the reason.

Professor Kryger of Yale's School of Medicine, author of The Mystery of Sleep: Why a Good Night's Rest is Vital to a Better, Healthier Life, pinpoints the problem squarely on the struggle with sleep problems like restlessness, parasomnia (sleep terrors and sleepwalking), sleep apnea and late-night trips to the bathroom already afflicting people so that their existing reduced state of quality sleep patterns are exacerbated when sleeping next to someone with some of those same symptoms of sleep-depriving qualities.

 

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Sleeping next to someone who constantly alters their sleeping positions, pulls the covers toward them, having a sleep schedule unlike your own, equate to a poor night's sleep due to a variety of disturbances all diminishing the quality of sleep. Sex Counsellor Eric Garrison speaks of meeting with thousands of couples anxious to improve their intimate relationships and through those interviews finding separate sleeping arrangements (from twin beds in the same chamber positioned close to each other, to double master bedrooms) helps to nourish marital bonds.

Poor sleep can result in relationship conflicts, according to a study out of University of California at Berkeley. Another study out of Paracelsus Private Medical University concluded that a lack of sleep and relationship problems often companion one another. Sex therapist Garrison emphasizes his finding that couples who sleep apart may also develop an improved sex life. In that a good night's rest tends to reduce stress -- and there is nothing quite like stress to dampen sexual desire.

Improved sleep patterns resulting in superior rest nightly is also involved in reducing the risk of chronic health problems, and may also improve motor functions as well. "We are better at everything when we have had enough sleep", explains professor of family and social science, Paul Rosenblatt, from the University of Minnesota, who cautions that couples who sleep apart may also feel less safe sleeping alone, or be concerned about the loss or cost of additional room required to make sleeping apart possible.

"The primary downsides of sleeping apart are the possibility that there could be a loss of intimacy or closeness, which could lead to feelings of disconnectedness."

"[Couples who decide to sleep apart should] schedule some time to be together in bed to cuddle, be intimate and just experience some closeness."

"For many couples, it's the time before sleep that makes the marital bed so sacred."

Wendy Troxel, senior behavioural and social scientist, Rand Corp.

Photo by Leo Patrizi/Getty Images