Solving Problems

Now there's a knotty mind-bender. Two adults, of the age of consent, fall in love, marry. They are handicapped. Society has many people within it who are handicapped in one way or another. Most of whom manage to get along. On a fairly basic level of being able to accomplish ordinary everyday tasks, of looking after themselves, their nutritional needs, their hygiene. And often they are quite capable of performing relatively simple occupations. Many live in group homes.

But here is a couple who live in group homes in New York State, and both are mentally disabled. They do not live in the same group home; each in one of their own. They have been forbidden, however, to live together as a married couple. "We're very sad when we leave each other", explains Paul Forziano. "I want to live with my wife, because I love her."

And she, of course, wants to live with her husband for the very same reason. They have been companionable for three years, and decided they wanted to marry. "It's not something we wanted to do -- it's something we had to do", said the mother of the bride rather obliquely. Which could mean many things, that the parents feared things might get out of hand if they didn't agree to the marriage the most obvious explanation.

And, in their refusal to allow the two young people to live together as man and wife, it is obvious that those who operate the group homes believe that their jobs and their lives will become infinitely more complicated should things get out of hand. It's natural enough to feel concerned. They, the people who know Hava Samuels, the bride, best, feel she hasn't the mental capacity to consent to sex.

That said, sex would and most likely will in time, occur. And the natural outcome of that will be two young people, chronologically mature, but mentally disabled, will have a child. And how will that go down? Both the pregnancy and all that it entails, and the eventual birth. Who will tend to the child, ensure its most basic needs are met?

The couple has launched a federal civil rights lawsuit against the state-sanctioned non-profits that operate the group homes they inhabit. Both the newly married couple and their parents are challenging the decision of the group homes. There is a certain dissonance here; obviously the parents don't feel they are competent enough to have their mentally disabled children live with them.

As a result, their children live in not-for-profit institutions whose purpose is to provide a stable and secure environment for these adults with the minds of children. An Oregon state legislator, member of the National Council on Disability board of directors explains her position, and claims that most Americans agree; that the disabled should have the right to choose to live their own lives, marriage and sex being part of that decision-making.

On the other hand, perhaps they are not capable of fully understanding the commitment to which they aspire. If they were capable of full understanding, are they capable of acting on that understanding? "Sex is a healthy and full part of the human experience. I know it makes some people uncomfortable to think people with intellectual disabilities are engaging in sexual relations, but I don't understand that." Obviously the full picture of the situation also eludes her.


The Catholic Health Systems operates the Maryhaven Center of Hope where Hava Samuels has been taken in, in a facility in Manorville meant for women only. As for the independent Group Home Living program in Manorville where Paul Forziano lives, there are no facilities for married residents, nor do legal requirements force the home to house them.

Perhaps the parents of the happily married couple could solve the vexing problem confronting their children by offering to have them live happily ever after with them? Problem solved.

AP Photo: Bruce Presner. Disabled newlyweds: Paul Forziano and Hava Samuels are suing for the right to live together in a group home.