Negotiating the Emotional Minefield of Stress

"Stress can have a lasting, negative effect [on] the brain. Exposure to even a few days of stress compromises the effectiveness of neurons in the hippocampus -- an important brain area responsible for reasoning and memory."

"Think of it this way: If the complainer were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You'd distance yourself, and you should do the same with someone who causes you stress."

Travis Bradberry, author: Emotional Intelligence 2.0

"Our heart rate and blood pressure increase, and we feel angry, anxious, out of control or overwhelmed or numb."

"When we're around people who cause us strongly negative emotions, we have a 'fight, flight or appease response."

Dr. Marianne Trent, clinical psychologist

"Remember that if someone is being difficult, it can be helpful to reframe it to understand that it's usually because their life is difficult right now."

"They might have pressure at work from someone higher up, or there could be something going on in their life that has made them particularly snappy that day."

"It can be a supportive thing in a stressful moment to consider that and give yourself a chance to pause. Remember that two things can be true at once; someone can be difficult or angry with you, you can understand them, and it's OK for you to feel how you feel."

Katerina Georgiou, psychotherapist

Encountering and having to cope with your own emotions set off when you're in close proximity to someone whose attitude and manner toward you seems combative or hostile is not the most pleasant of feelings at the best of times. It can colour your entire day, if you're left fuming at the discomfort of feeling put-upon, let down, or blamed for something you weren't guilty of, or even feeling frustrated for an encounter that clearly placed you on the defensive. Close encounters with some people who are irritated and morose can ruin your day.

The sensible thing to do would be to separate yourself from proximity to anyone whose manner is so abrasive with an attitude  compellingly insensitive, but there are times when you cannot, and there you are, uncomfortable and resentful while someone you would prefer to avoid unloads on you or demands from you something you're not prepared to give emotionally. These encounters raise stress levels and leave one with an impression of being under pressure.

That pressure could emanate from an exchange with someone you're answerable to in your employment, or from someone within your close or extended family toward whom you feel a familial obligation to patience, or a neighbour whose interaction with you tends to be off-putting. Any of these fraught relationships can result in long-term serious effects on physical and mental health. Repeatedly feeling under pressure raises stress hormone production (adrenalin and cortisol), and we can spiral into a state of 'hyper-arousal'.

That's in the short-time; long term the risk of chronic insomnia may arise, and even heart disease and stroke. Relationship counsellors recommend removing oneself from the person's abrasive presence, if at all possible. Perhaps temporarily for 20 minutes to allow stress hormones to re-adjust. The journal Frontiers in Psychology published a study in 2019 that established a dose time of 20 minutes for effectively lowering stress levels. Should that 20 minutes be spent in a green environment, say walking through a local park, all the better.

Psychotherapist Georgiou, author of How to Understand and Deal with Stress advises "sandwiching" a questionable encounter such as a meeting or lunch with a difficult family member with "supportive" activities. "This could be going to a coffee shop or for a swim or speaking to a friend. Any activity that you enjoy and will give you a boost."

"This can be done politely, but firmly", advises clinical psychologist Dr. Trent. "People who are 'unboundaried' don't like having boundaries put in place around them, but that doesn't mean you can't add to them." Cognitive behavioural therapy teaches techniques that help reframe perspective and replace unhelpful beliefs and thoughts with those seen to be more realistic. Moving your thought process to an empathetic view of an irritating person; everyone has their background problems.

SutterHealth.org

 

The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published a study in 2014 that found how we 'talk' to ourselves affects how we process emotions and manage stress. Self-esteem can be impacted by stressful relationships; particularly true in relationships with family members resulting in constant challenges. "You see it with children whose parents have been strict with them --- we start to speak to ourselves in the way we've been spoken to". Dr. Trent suggests making a conscious effort to speak to yourself the way you would to a best friend, with empathy and understanding.

"Positive self-talk helps you to reframe the way you look at stressful situations, understanding that you will approach challenges with the best of your ability and that whatever the outcome -- you did the best you could. Tackling these situations with an 'I can do this' mindset rather than a negative 'This is too hard' one, opens new ways of thinking and problem-solving", offers psychotherapist Elaine Meade who specializes in positive psychology.

When In Doubt, Panic

"We really don't see a problem on food availability. For the most part, the foods Canadians eat are from Canadian and North American suppliers."
"So I doubt there are bare shelves on a widespread basis and to the extent anything is in short supply, I'd attribute it more to the blockades [First Nation and environmentalist rail blockades in protest of a gas link from northern British Columbia to Alberta holding up nationwide rail and shipping routes of freight and consumer products]."
Karl Littler, senior vice-president, public affairs, Retail Council of Canada

"I've seen this time and again. It's appropriate for people to have some food in the freezer."
"It's sound and rational to have three days of inventory at any time for example."
"But we shouldn't be overdoing it."
Sylvain Charlebois, director, Agri-Food analytics Lab., Dalhousie University

Shoppers visit a Costco store in Tigard, Ore., on Feb. 29 after reports of Oregon's first case of coronavirus was announced in the nearby city of Lake Oswego. (Gillian Flaccus/AP)

In the United States, Americans have emptied supermarket shelves of all manner of products in evidence of panic buying over the entry of the COVID-19 epidemic. Across the nation there have been reports of panic buying in the wake of state health departments having urged residents to prepare themselves for the reality of potential quarantines. They have, in other words, been directed to buy and stock supplies of non-perishable foods, prescription medication and sanitary supplies.

Empty shelves at a Costco in Markham, Ont., on Sunday.  Supplied

In Canada, public health officials have been doing their utmost in emulating their American counterparts, to imbue the public with a sense of inevitability and panic. Don't worry, don't be overly concerned, we have matters well in hand; wash your hands on every and any occasion, thoroughly! and stock your pantry with basic non-perishable foodstuffs. And oh, by the way, don't forget those prescription drugs, stock up on them, too. Except, by law, you can't do this and no pharmacist will allow it.

Prescription drugs are re-filled when pharmacists' records indicate you've used up your most recent supply, and not before. So thanks for the advice, and thanks ever so much for the urgency of tone to instill confidence in the public. Thanks to that aura of tense anticipation, stores across North America are running out of supplies of all kinds. People on social media are doing their best to quell the panic by reporting and posting photos of ransacked, empty store shelves.

Calgary Deerfoot Meadows Costco customers shop for paper products on Tuesday, March 3, 2020. The store was only slightly busier than normal according to some staff. Several stores in B.C. and Ontario have seen long lineups related to COVID-19 fears. Gavin Young / Postmedia

Hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, canned goods and food staples like bread and eggs; whoops, all sold out. "People are buying all the meat and canned goods and paper towels, it's nuts. We sold out of hand sanitizer in about half an hour", reported an employee of a Costco in Vancouver. On the other hand, instilling a level of sobriety in the drunken fervor to 'stock up', Canadian retailers though facing supply issues related to the rail blockades and a rising demand reflecting COVID-19 fears, assure there are no shortages of any significance given that Canadian food retailers have rerouted cargo and shifted from rail to trucking when required.

Canadian Health Minister Patty Hajdu, perhaps figuring she knows more than food retailers, recommended Canadians stock up with enough supplies for "a week or so" just in case ... someone contracts the novel coronavirus and will be required to self-isolate. What world does she live in? Most people do a week's shopping at a time, and in any event, you cannot control when, in that space of a week, or if, you may come down with a cold, the flu or the coronavirus. "It's good to be prepared because things can change quickly", she observed.

In Milan, Italy, food staples like meat, bread, and pasta were reportedly in short supply at local grocery stores.

Fabrizio Di Nucci/NurPhoto/Getty Images

But it's not only that genius, but the Chief Public Health Officer of Canada, Dr.Theresa Tam as well, who sent out a tweet urging Canadians to ensure they have extra food and medication on hand. Really? Oh, and wash your hands. And don't embrace, share a toothbrush or a meal with anyone recently returned to Canada from a visit to China or Iran, or Italy. Got that checklist?

On the other hand, to inject a note of sanity Ontario's health minister counters the advice from these experts with her belief that stockpiling is unnecessary; that people would be better off going about their usual business, with a bit of additional caution. And remember that the most common symptoms of COVID-19 are fever, dry cough and in some instances no symptoms whatever. The World Health Organization reported 88,948 diagnoses of the novel coronavirus globally, resulting in 3,043 deaths

"This current rush for all these supplies, a lot of that is driven by anxiety."
"I think it’s a good idea to have an emergency supply kit. That’s a contingency plan and it’s something that all Canadians should have, an emergency supply of things like they say: 72 hours’ of water or food, flashlights, matches, those kinds of things."
"To say to every Canadian, you need to get toilet paper, I think that’s going to cause shortages. I’m not sure that’s necessary."
Anna Banerji, director, Global and Indigenous Health, Faculty of Medicine, University of Toronto 

P.S. The good advice? Wash your hands, and do it well, and often. Avoid large crowds, anywhere for the time being. Avoid Costco and Walmart too, come to think of it. Shop elsewhere; they won't run out of what you're looking for. Above all, relax, get on with life.

Big-box retailers like Costco and Walmart are preparing for a surge in demand for staple foods and cleaning supplies.

Jovelle Tamayo/The Washington Post/Getty Images